I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
