come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
