hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
