this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
