I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
