I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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