Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
