Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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