I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
