I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
