Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
