So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
