when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
