The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
