she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
