he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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