and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
