Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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