News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
