A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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