Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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