Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
