It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
