planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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