I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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