So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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