Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Two words: nipple clamps
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