Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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