girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
