WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
