She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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