I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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