a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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