ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
