I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
