so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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