god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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