Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
