i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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