i just had sex bonerless
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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