i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
