If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
