Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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