When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we made out on top of his cat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
