glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
