Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I look better un-naked...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
