Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
