Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
