Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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