Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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