guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
