nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
