You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
