i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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