you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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