I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
